Monday, December 17, 2018

Control- an abusive persons foundation

So I can 100% say my mother is control freak and extremely domineering. She will try to control everything if she can. Over the years if I resisted her control, threats would begin. The threats usually manifested in various forms. Financial ruin and threat of freedom loss being her two main go to manipulations. Her advice has also been terrible. Actually one would most likely end up in a very bad spot listening to her. I talked to someone once who did mention she was a psycho. I didn’t know what  that person meant until now. She has also gotten into it publically with people. She gets mad when people don’t listen to her or do her bidding.

I don’t want to get into everything at the moment. A lot of it is quite disturbing. She does run patterns that she goes over every so often. She really just isn’t a good person, at least to me. It’s kind of odd since she claims to be so religious. Devout religious people always creep me out.

I am going through therapy dealing with abuse from my childhood. I did tell my Mom about the abuse and she said I was making it up.  That is the type of person she is. The bad part about things are when you are constantly beat down you start to believe what you get told. It’s scary. Brainwashing I guess. My mother is kind of like a giant death trap. If you listen to her it means certain doom. If you don’t she will just come after you and try to effect you negatively in other ways, which will be certain doom. I probably should have done something about this before.

The “cake is a lie” is a big way that my mom goes about with her manipulations. She promises big rewards but it’s actually anything but. It’s just all around creepy. She threatened harm to me if I didn’t  go to a wedding. Again, her means of control. It’s really kind of just blah.  Probably what I should of done was years back filed a restraining order against her. Now, ugh. I keep hoping she will change but that will never happen and that is part of my problem. Years of abuse tend to do that to a person. Always searching for the good within a person but only meeting the bad instead. At some point I have to say well she’s broken and just forget about it.

I feel like I’m stuck in some weird loop of lies, manipulations, threats, misdeeds, and many other things. I can’t even get into work and all the crap there. That is definitely boiling over as now people are trying to fill out applications in pencil. Oh, I don’t even want to get into that nightmare.

As terrible as this may sound. Things have gotten a very tiny bit better. Not from actions of my mother. By me taking things into my hands and doing what I feel helps me. My mother is toxic. Took me a long time to realize it but at least I finally did.

My Abusive Mother

I don’t want to get into things too much at the moment. I’ve been dealing with an unhealthy relationship with my mother for most of my life. She ranges from various forms  psychological abuse to physical. The degree of what she does varies. From financial manipulation and control to nonstop verbal and psychological abuse.

She is fairly obsessed about me as she basically broke into my house at one point. That is for another time. It’s easy to make lite of this but an abusive mother or parent for that matter can have long lasting effects on a person. The issue I have is the verbal and psychological abuse is beginning to escalate. That is basically why I decided to write about it. I don’t care about put downs or insults but when things go into the area of where physical action could happen that is where I draw the line.

I’ve had my share of threats against me over the years but now I do feel some of these veiled threats may hold merit. So, I’ve decided to write about things a bit.

It is very hard to keep sanity when one is attacked with constant negativity for years. The part I find creepy is that she goes through the same thing over and over. She repeats the same things over and over. She basically has a few phrases and words that she will repeat over and over. It’s the same thing every day just about. Even involving the same people over and over.

Her actions are violent and contain malice. Her movements are maniachal and overtly disgusting. Her face is painted with evil, hatred, disdain, and contempt. She was dumped when she was younger by my father. Basically a women scorned. A man hater. Probably a lesbian by now not 100% sure. For some reason I think she lashes out due to her being dumped by my father when she was pregnant.

I mean honestly I don’t see why anyone would want to be around her. That is for another day. Currently, she has turned this saga about me versus her. All this is very annoying but it’s just how it is with her.

She always has to put on a show for other people. I try not to think she actually has mental problems. I’m not 100% sure now. It’s all childish but at the same time creepy. So, hopefully this annoyance will end with her behavior getting better but I doubt it.. It’s been going on for years but it’s the worst now. So, there is my first blog post about My Abusive Mother.

I’m still trying to figure out what to write so hopefully this won’t be jumbled. I’ve got quite a bit to say.



Friday, December 2, 2016

I'm going to post some stuff about final fantasy xv once I actually play through it. So, it might be  Awhile. The game is huge.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Titanfall

Well, by now I'm sure you've heard of the video game Titanfall for the XBOX ONE.  I've seen many tips and tricks floating around the web that are absolute crap. Most of these have been written by people who played the game a few hours and thought they could tell you everything you need to know about the game.

I want to set the record straight. Don't listen to that jive. So what do I do? Well you could play the game and figure it out but I thought I'd help you out. Currently, I have about 190 hours in the game and rank a Generation 10 level 50. That's the highest rank available. So I thought I'd share my tips.



1. Weapon choice. I'd like to say you can use any weapon in the game. You can but if you really want to score high your first choice should be the carbine. It's not my favorite weapon but everyone uses it or at least 90% of the players. To be competitive you really need to use this gun. Sure you can fool around with the other guns but the carbine beats all. There are a variety of guns in this game but the carbine gives you the best chance to succeed. Maybe your a savant with the SMG or Hemlock, then good for you.

2. The boom boom! What you want to do here is pick the satchel charges. Once you get good with these things you'll be getting double and even triple kills. However, the real point of interest with these babies is that they do massive amounts of damage to Titans. Throw a couple at the feet of a titan and it's a doom or at least 75% health gone, which will help out your team. If you are really good you can throw them when you eject and score a doomed titan on the guy that just took out your titan. Trust me they never saw it coming and you'll leave your enemy saying what? Especially effective with the burn card Surplus Satchels.  When you have this card equipped you can just spam them and crush your opponents. JUST BE CAREFUL YOU CAN KILL YOURSELF WITH THESE. I STILL DO TO THIS DAY BUT IT'S A TRADE OFF.

3. Anti Titan weapon. Charge Rifle all the way. While the Archer rocket is a good interim weapon until you get the Charge Rifle the big electro beam is what you want. You can stand on a high perch and destroy titans if you hit the critical spots, which show up as bright red areas of weakness. Each titan has a different hit radius. If you hit Ogre titans in the crits they will drop like flies even with their 10000 hp or whatever they have. Just hit the crits.

4. Titan weapon.  A good starter weapon is the 40mm cannon with the Ogre build. You can just pummel the enemy with this if you hit the crit spots(see above) and do damage form a distance. If the enemy gets to close just punch them and shoot. Punch shoot punch shoot in that order. Also go rocket salvo. You don't have to aim with these puppies and if your close( the best time to use them) they always all hit and will doom a titan on low health.
   If you can sit through the twenty kills it takes to unlock quad rockets rapid fire then do it. It will be painful at first and you will die. Best to seek out Auto titans to pad the stats. However, quad rockets with auto fire and an Ogre chassis is a titan killing machine. Trust me.  All the other weapons are bunk and these two will win in a fight anytime. Just remember the 40mm cannon you need to hit the crits so your aim has to be at least decent.

5. Pilot tactical specs. First off you want to go cloak. Titans can't see a cloaked pilot. Forget cloaking to fool a pilot. This will work if your standing in steam or foliage but the scenario just doesn't play out to where that happens a ton. If you cloak, remember the opponent not in a titan can see you as clear as day. However, to titans your invisible except if you use your jet pack. Remember that. The minute you jump while cloaked the jet flame will give away your position enough for a savvy player to frag you when in their in the titan.
   The other ability you want is WARPFALL TRANSMITTER. Don't listen to those idiots who tell you to put minion detector on. Trust me once you play the maps enough you will know where the minions spawn. This is such a waste and low level players will use this. It's a waste. With the WARPFALL you will get your titan drop fast. How fast? So fast that you can rodeo a titan and then drop your titan on him and squash him.  This takes practice but is very viable and can shift the tide of a match because that's nine quick attrition points or the removal of an enemy titan in the blink of an eye. Another benefit to WARPFALL is that you will very rarely get killed running to your titan(unless you drop it far away then that's just your fault). Trust me this is one of the most annoying things that can happen and can cost your team a match in a tight situation. So WARPFALL all the way. The normal titan drop is just too slow.
  Some of the other pilot abilities are alright like the parkour. In all honesty this is more of a novelty and you really want to go explosives pack(see satchel charge above)

6. Side arm. Well this doesn't matter but the easiest and most reliable is the auto pistol. If you want to go stylish then go with the wingman but really this is just a novelty.

7.Titan Tactical abilites. ELECTRIC SMOKE. This is what you want. The more I play the game the more people rodeo. That's when they jump on the back of your titan and can cause enough damage to doom it. If you don't have ELECTRIC SMOKE then you have to exit the titan and kill the pilot. The easiest way to do this(if you have to exit) is to throw a satchel charge and kill the enemy. If he jumps off sometime the blast of the satchel will catch him. If you miss just spam them. Once you get back in your titan your ammo will refill to maximum capacity.

8. Titan Class. OGRE OGRE OGRE. Some people will pull rhetoric and say strider is the 'skill' titan. Bullshit. It's a pussy titan and any OGRE WITH good aim with his weapons and smart movement will kill them every time. The key with the OGRE titan is to just do subtle nudges. Chance are your enemies in the faster titans will try to kite you but if you keep good angles and just nudge your OGRE you will get them every time. This does take some practice. Confined spaces are your friend. If you do get caught out in the wide open you could have a problem. That brings me to my next point.

9.NUCLEAR EJECTION AND AUTOEJECT.  With these two fine little diddies equipped you can destroy titans and pilots after your titan is doomed. You can trap an enemy in a corner if you know you are going to lose the fight and get free points. I've already gone into a battle against four titans and killed every single one with nuclear ejection. AUTOEJECT effectively cloaks your pilot after you eject. So you basically get two cloaks in a row. Remember if you throw satchel charges while in the air or cloaked for that matter you don't lose your cloak. If your in a pinch after you land after AUTOEJECT you can pop another cloak to escape enemy titans or throw satchels at them for an effective doom state. I can' tell you how effective satchel charges are against titans. VERY!

10. Gun upgrades. On the carbine you want HOLOSIGHT AND SURPRESSOR. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED. You can experiment with other sights but I found the HOLOSIGHT to be the most effective. It gives you a good balance between far and near. You may lose a bit in distance but at the same time you won't be hamstrung if you get in close quarter combat.
  If you get bored with the carbine then switch it up with the G2A4(again the holosight but no surpressor). Just remember this is a one shot rifle so your aim has to be good but the trade off is a headshot kills. This headshot ability can get you kills that the carbine can't but if your aim isn't good then you won't have any luck. If your aim is really bad then the carbine won't be easy either but it is less forgiving. Just remember if you get in a firefight with a skilled G2A4 user he can kill you with a headshot. Difficulty is for advanced users. If you can take the time to get good with the G2A4 then you will see the rewards. However, once you go back to the carbine you will see a difference.
   If you want to have a little fun and your a high level within your generation then try the KRABER.  It's a one shot sniper rifle and you can hit the enemy anywhere and it's a kill. I only use this gun when I want to zen. It's fun but very hard to get an MVP score when using it.

11. THE RODEO. (see above for explanation) If you really want to rodeo titans and make it your thing then use the LMG with SLAMMER MOD. You will take down titans in seconds. However, if you don't want to sacrifice the gameplay in other areas like basic pilot killing you need another way.
  If you have a titan ready and WARPFALL you can drop a titan on the enemy when you rodeo them. This takes practice and you can easily miss do to the wonky controls.
  If you do rodeo a titan and the pilot pops electric smoke jump off please. If you don't you will die. If you rodeo a titan and the pilot jumps out. You can usually tell this when a titan bends down or stops moving then throw a satchel and jump off and explode it or jump off and throw a satchel. This takes a bit of timing but if you hit it you can kill the pilot then jump back on the titan and finish it off. Satchel charges work about 60% of the time. Really depends on the skill of the other player. Sometimes they jump far away. It takes practice.

12. GAMEPLAY. Yes rooftops are nice but when you play against experienced players they will pick you off. You want a nice balance of rooftop and ground gameplay. Just for the record the highest places on the map are the best if they are hidden. Don't go up in the big obvious towers. Everyone knows these spots and you will die. The best spots are the ones you get to when you eject from a titan and get really high. If you get there you have a few quick shots until someone makes your location. When that happens you need to move or you will die.
   Don't be afraid to frag specters or grunts. They give you one attrition point each and can add up. However, in pilot hunter don't waste your time.(I might add these pointers are for ATTRITION) The other game modes are a whole nother animal but I find ATTRITION to be the funnest.
  Make sure to use your mini map so you can see the pilots. By now you should be using the SURPRRESOR SO YOU WON'T APPEAR ON IT BUT other players tend not to for some reason. When your genning up sometimes you can't so it depends on the situation but try to stay off the minimap as much as you can. However, if you're really good you can use this to your advantage by setting up your opponent with a satchel charge.(See it's all connected)
   Rooftops are good just don't think your invincible when your on one because your not and sometimes this leaves you way out in the open for an attack especially if the other team has a good sniper. Yes, they do exist but they are rare.

13. BURN CARDS. These can be helpful. Some are absolute junk. The ones you want are ADRENALINE TRANSFUSION, TITAN BURN CARDS, GHOST PILOT, MOST WANTED PILOT, THIN THE RANKS, MAYBE URBAN RENEWAL BUT MEH, AMPED WEAPONS(JUST BE CAREFUL WITH THESE BECAUSE MANY TIMES THEY TAKE AWAY YOUR STEALTH), SPECTER CAMO(this is one of my personal faves. Very underrated.), DECISIVE ACTION AND PULL RANKS, i used to like SATELLITE UPLINK but i find it too distracting same with MAP HACK, decent cards but meh, and finally ECHO VISON. Be careful with this one. It can be a bit distracting and now I don't even use it but that's personal preference. ALL THE REST ARE KIND OF JUNK JUST GET RID OF THEM. Remember you want to keep cloak and some of the other cards take away your cloak.(it's all connected.)

14. DON'T GET OUT OF YOUR TITAN AND LET HIM ROAM AROUND. MANY PEOPLE SAY OH I WANT TO DISEMBARK. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS THEN? YOU DIE BY SOME STRAY ROCKET OR SOME PILOT THAT SNEAKS UP BEHIND YOU OR THROWS A SATCHEL(like me). JUST STAY IN YOUR TITAN.

15. Electric smoke. Once you hear the noise of a enemy riding your titan pop the smoke. Don't wait until you see the rodeo icon. Then move either forward or backward with a dash to maybe catch the bugger after they jump off. If you don't see them then turn around and fire blindly into the smoke and simply run away. Your faster then them and by the time they catch up with you if you haven't killed them pop another smoke and repeat. If they do happen to catch you without the smoke jump out and spam satchel charges. If you get caught where you have no smoke and an enemy titan is around just ride it out and take the doomed titan. Maybe you catch them with nuclear ejection or kill them in the air. SO IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR TITAN TO KILL A RODEOR DON'T DO IT WHEN AN ENEMY TITAN IS AROUND. GOT IT?

16. Learn the maps. NO MATTER HOW GOOD YOU THINK YOU ARE IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE MAPS YOU WILL LOSE TO A MORE EXPERIENCD PLAYER. THIS IS A GROWING PERIOD. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT WHERE TO GO FOR EACH MAP. THOSE ARE MY SECRET SPOTS SO I'M NOT ABOUT TO TELL ANYONE THOSE. FIGURE OUT YOUR OWN COMFORT LEVEL AND GO FROM THERE.

17. This list of tips is for a specific play style. It's a very brute force kind of style but if you master it there is no reason why you can't get MVP every match or at least finish in the top three. YOUR KILL DEATH RATION MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT BUT THIS STYLE ALLOWS FOR MAJOR POINTS TO BE RACKED UP FAST. IF YOU DO IT RIGHT YOU WILL FINISH WITH A HIGH TITAN KILL COUNT AND ON THE TIMES YOU DO GET THE HIGH PILOT KILLS YOU WILL SCORE IN THE 100'S.


THIS STYLE IS NOT PRETTY! IT'S A NASTY AND MEAN WAY TO PLAY.


I HOPE THAT HELPS. COMING FROM A GEN 10 LEVEL 50. I'M NOT THE BEST OUT THERE BUT I USUALLY ALWAYS FINISH FIRST ON MY TEAM OR IN THE TOP THREE. THERE WILL BE A STINKER NOW AND THEN:)


If I forgot anything I'll come back and edit this. REMEBER, I CAN'T PLAY FOR YOU!!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZaz7OqyTHQ

*One more thing. Yes, Titanfall is a fast game but honestly if you've played Wolfenstein the New Order that game is faster. Anyway, movement is good but sometimes it's okay to stop and survey the area. Just don't do that in the middle of an open area. Know when to move and how to move. Don't run around like a chicken with your head cut off. Have some structure and let the enemies filter to you once and a while then you can satchel them. See, it's all connected.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

One of my short stories scores a perfect review.

Around two months ago, I submitted my second work that I wrote over a year ago for review through a website I found while trying to promote some of my books. The site, the onlinebookclub, allows independent authors to get their books a fair chance at review. I paid for the shipping of the book and waited patiently for the review. Unfortunately, the review took a bit longer than I thought. Maybe the reviewer was busy or something. I believe the people that review the books are just normal people and not professional critics but I could be wrong. One thing they are is a READER and that is important. Anyway...

So, I submitted Tequila Diaries: Organ Donor for review. I knew the story was decent but I never had anyone to confirm that beyond some friends who read the book. I received and email notice on Monday Oct. 7 that the reviewer completed my review and the score.  Drum roll please.....


A PERFECT 4 OUT OF 4 STARS!!!!!!!!!

Yippee!!!!! Tequila Diaries has always been one of my favorite works. Anyway, once the review is live I will get a post out with the link to the site so anyone who wants to read it will have an easy time finding it.


On other notes. Hockey season is back. The Devils have not started so good with a 0-1-2 record after three games and losing a three-goal lead in the third period last night. That usually never happens:( What a great time of year this is. The weather is outstanding minus the rainstorm yesterday. Three sports are going on now. MLB, NFL, and the NHL. Halloween is right around the corner one of my favorite holidays. Perfect time to purchase some of my horror books:)


Thursday, June 13, 2013

Thinking about my zombie book:)

Well, Footsteps of the Undead is finally beginning to trickle onto places. It's not a perfect book. There were one or two errors that snuck by into the retail copy. I always try to get a perfect book but one or two errors usually slip through. Anyway, I'm just thinking back about the uniqueness of Footsteps of the Undead. I'm just concerned that dud to lack of marketing funds and the book being independent it doesn't get the love it deserves. Oh we'll:(

Overall the novelette has a tremendously bold idea that most likely will die in obscurity. I can't say that doesn't bother me but nothing I can really do. The horror genre as a whole really frustrates me. That's one of the reasons I started writing horror stories in the first place. A great dissatisfaction for mainstream productions. Such is life.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

New book Released!

Well, it's been a while since I posted anything. I haven't had much to talk about. Anyway, now I do. I have recently released a new ebook about zombies. I tried to take the story back to its roots and stray away from the whole biological infection angle. Instead, Footsteps of the Undead, goes back to creepier ideas like voodoo and supernatural creatures. Here is the amazon link for the Novella at amazon.  Footsteps of the Undead retails at 3.99 or so. Also available on sites like kobo, scribd, Diesel ebooks and coming soon to Barnes and noble. Enjoy:)




 http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00D6A46HO?ie=UTF8&force-full-site=1&ref_=aw_bottom_links


My book is ranked at a decent spot on Diesel ebooks. It was number ten but now it is sixteen. I'm sure it will drop more but for now it's in a decent spot. Here is the link

http://www.diesel-ebooks.com/ebook_category/topebook/FIC015000/1.html