Control- an abusive persons foundation

So I can 100% say my mother is control freak and extremely domineering. She will try to control everything if she can. Over the years if I resisted her control, threats would begin. The threats usually manifested in various forms. Financial ruin and threat of freedom loss being her two main go to manipulations. Her advice has also been terrible. Actually one would most likely end up in a very bad spot listening to her. I talked to someone once who did mention she was a psycho. I didn’t know what  that person meant until now. She has also gotten into it publically with people. She gets mad when people don’t listen to her or do her bidding.

I don’t want to get into everything at the moment. A lot of it is quite disturbing. She does run patterns that she goes over every so often. She really just isn’t a good person, at least to me. It’s kind of odd since she claims to be so religious. Devout religious people always creep me out.

I am going through therapy dealing with abuse from my childhood. I did tell my Mom about the abuse and she said I was making it up.  That is the type of person she is. The bad part about things are when you are constantly beat down you start to believe what you get told. It’s scary. Brainwashing I guess. My mother is kind of like a giant death trap. If you listen to her it means certain doom. If you don’t she will just come after you and try to effect you negatively in other ways, which will be certain doom. I probably should have done something about this before.

The “cake is a lie” is a big way that my mom goes about with her manipulations. She promises big rewards but it’s actually anything but. It’s just all around creepy. She threatened harm to me if I didn’t  go to a wedding. Again, her means of control. It’s really kind of just blah.  Probably what I should of done was years back filed a restraining order against her. Now, ugh. I keep hoping she will change but that will never happen and that is part of my problem. Years of abuse tend to do that to a person. Always searching for the good within a person but only meeting the bad instead. At some point I have to say well she’s broken and just forget about it.

I feel like I’m stuck in some weird loop of lies, manipulations, threats, misdeeds, and many other things. I can’t even get into work and all the crap there. That is definitely boiling over as now people are trying to fill out applications in pencil. Oh, I don’t even want to get into that nightmare.

As terrible as this may sound. Things have gotten a very tiny bit better. Not from actions of my mother. By me taking things into my hands and doing what I feel helps me. My mother is toxic. Took me a long time to realize it but at least I finally did.

My Abusive Mother

I don’t want to get into things too much at the moment. I’ve been dealing with an unhealthy relationship with my mother for most of my life. She ranges from various forms  psychological abuse to physical. The degree of what she does varies. From financial manipulation and control to nonstop verbal and psychological abuse.

She is fairly obsessed about me as she basically broke into my house at one point. That is for another time. It’s easy to make lite of this but an abusive mother or parent for that matter can have long lasting effects on a person. The issue I have is the verbal and psychological abuse is beginning to escalate. That is basically why I decided to write about it. I don’t care about put downs or insults but when things go into the area of where physical action could happen that is where I draw the line.

I’ve had my share of threats against me over the years but now I do feel some of these veiled threats may hold merit. So, I’ve decided to write about things a bit.

It is very hard to keep sanity when one is attacked with constant negativity for years. The part I find creepy is that she goes through the same thing over and over. She repeats the same things over and over. She basically has a few phrases and words that she will repeat over and over. It’s the same thing every day just about. Even involving the same people over and over.

Her actions are violent and contain malice. Her movements are maniachal and overtly disgusting. Her face is painted with evil, hatred, disdain, and contempt. She was dumped when she was younger by my father. Basically a women scorned. A man hater. Probably a lesbian by now not 100% sure. For some reason I think she lashes out due to her being dumped by my father when she was pregnant.

I mean honestly I don’t see why anyone would want to be around her. That is for another day. Currently, she has turned this saga about me versus her. All this is very annoying but it’s just how it is with her.

She always has to put on a show for other people. I try not to think she actually has mental problems. I’m not 100% sure now. It’s all childish but at the same time creepy. So, hopefully this annoyance will end with her behavior getting better but I doubt it.. It’s been going on for years but it’s the worst now. So, there is my first blog post about My Abusive Mother.

I’m still trying to figure out what to write so hopefully this won’t be jumbled. I’ve got quite a bit to say.