Control- an abusive persons foundation

So I can 100% say my mother is control freak and extremely domineering. She will try to control everything if she can. Over the years if I resisted her control, threats would begin. The threats usually manifested in various forms. Financial ruin and threat of freedom loss being her two main go to manipulations. Her advice has also been terrible. Actually one would most likely end up in a very bad spot listening to her. I talked to someone once who did mention she was a psycho. I didn’t know what  that person meant until now. She has also gotten into it publically with people. She gets mad when people don’t listen to her or do her bidding.

I don’t want to get into everything at the moment. A lot of it is quite disturbing. She does run patterns that she goes over every so often. She really just isn’t a good person, at least to me. It’s kind of odd since she claims to be so religious. Devout religious people always creep me out.

I am going through therapy dealing with abuse from my childhood. I did tell my Mom about the abuse and she said I was making it up.  That is the type of person she is. The bad part about things are when you are constantly beat down you start to believe what you get told. It’s scary. Brainwashing I guess. My mother is kind of like a giant death trap. If you listen to her it means certain doom. If you don’t she will just come after you and try to effect you negatively in other ways, which will be certain doom. I probably should have done something about this before.

The “cake is a lie” is a big way that my mom goes about with her manipulations. She promises big rewards but it’s actually anything but. It’s just all around creepy. She threatened harm to me if I didn’t  go to a wedding. Again, her means of control. It’s really kind of just blah.  Probably what I should of done was years back filed a restraining order against her. Now, ugh. I keep hoping she will change but that will never happen and that is part of my problem. Years of abuse tend to do that to a person. Always searching for the good within a person but only meeting the bad instead. At some point I have to say well she’s broken and just forget about it.

I feel like I’m stuck in some weird loop of lies, manipulations, threats, misdeeds, and many other things. I can’t even get into work and all the crap there. That is definitely boiling over as now people are trying to fill out applications in pencil. Oh, I don’t even want to get into that nightmare.

As terrible as this may sound. Things have gotten a very tiny bit better. Not from actions of my mother. By me taking things into my hands and doing what I feel helps me. My mother is toxic. Took me a long time to realize it but at least I finally did.